Some Thought's and a Poem!

I am not as good at writing as I would like to be. I love poetry and stories and art and music, but I have never become that good at any of it. I am not that good at communicating sometimes either. But I have always starved for the truth and I passionately want others to taste and see the good things that I have found. Sometimes others see Jesus in my and rejoice with me in the truth that I have found. But far to often I fear that all they see is pride. I want so badly to love, but all I do is confuse and hurt and offend people. I am not afraid to be unpopular and don't mind fighting for the truth, but what is it all worth if I never love? I want to badly to be loved and respected and looked up to by people but I fear it is all for the wrong reasons. Why isn't enough that I am loved by Christ and that I have been given the privilege of loving others? Why do I not feel very much like a Christian so much of the time? Why don't I act like I really believe that God is good?

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Father, forgive me! I want to love you, and yet I ignore. I want to be loved by you, and yet I don't take time to know your love. I want to love others, but I try to do it on my own. I am broken, so very broken. Please change me!

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I wrote this Poem a long time ago and thought I would post it. It is not very good and I coudl write it better now, but some things are better as they were first written and I still resonate with it's content. Perhaps you can be blessed as well.

Back in this broken place again

It's such a lonely space I'm stuck within

Locked inside this battlefield of a mind

How it makes me cry, yes for peace to find

Why must I be broken, why so disinclined?

I run to be free of you, but you will not let me go

I'm haunted by these scornful cries, you utter day and night

Indicted by my every thought, and surely they are true

So here it is I find myself. So here it is I choose to be!?

Is it my lot to be left broken? And must I only ever, ever almost see?

I fear it true indeed, and it's all I've ever known

I know it is my just deserve, Never to come home

Oh but how I yearn to see, to see that fairest land

To taste again of that sweet table, where true love I understand

To walk again in freedom, In You I find true rest

To no more this heavy load, my soul to burden down

But still I'm silenced by this darkness, attacked from within!

You whisper in my ear (so bitter you are to me),

"Can this for you ever, ever again, indeed be found?"

But then I hear Your voice, so sweat it is to me!

Through a quite thunder I hear you call my name:

“My son, my son, where have you gone?

Where is there you could go?

I've left not your side, but you have run away!”

But will you turn around my son, and see me standing here?

Or will turn away my son, lost in your own fear?

My only begotten has covered you, you will not be condemned

So oft I chose to be alone, but is this as You'd have it be?

If such indeed is true for me, then into your arms will I fall

And why should I be so lost when you do hold it all?

I feel you reaching out; your presence fills the sphere

I fall to my knees, as you make me fade away

Drowning in my tears, consumed by your power

Your voice shakes the heavens, and you speak:

There's more power in the blood!!!

Slain by your love, and consumed by Your grace

Amazed by Your mercy, what You finish is complete

Your goodness stand's alone

Your sweetness, Who can fully taste

Constrained by your faithfulness, I believe in Your embrace

Standing in You, forever I'm made whole

Falling from this valley, I give You my soul